How to Mark the Day…

Tomorrow is July 21, 2012. My dear sweet dad’s 70th birthday.

A day to celebrate…a day to toast him…and if the past is any guide, a day for a good laugh and some poking fun of his many notable and comical attributes.

A day for laughs and smiles for the man who is the rock of our family and who has never missed being present for a moment of our lives – the highs, the lows and the in betweens.  Not a nano-second.

But this birthday won’t be the one that I envisioned, or the one that my mom and sister and friends would have ever planned.

My father died suddenly last November.

As I write, I realize that November to July makes 8 months that have passed – which is surreal. I have in no way accepted the loss, nor have I found a way to make sense of it.

His phone numbers are all still programmed into my phone. Every time I land at a new destination, I reach to call him.

Every time I witness a marvel on a sports field, my instinct is to call.

At points of indecision, lows and highs – he’s the one I want to hear.

I want to share my news – the exciting stuff and the daily reports, from the growth of his grandchildren to what’s playing on tv.

“Hey Dad – did you see Felix wearing his Cardinal gear?”

“Hi papa…could you believe that column in the Post?”

“Hi Dad, do you have a sec?”

I have 8 months of news to share – I have 8 months of lessons to learn from him – 8 months of love to give and also that I desperately need to receive.  8 months of wisdom that I need to pass along to my little boys from their beloved “G-Daddy.”

I don’t know how to mark this day tomorrow – a milestone so different now than the one that we had hoped to celebrate.

As a grieving daughter, I don’t have many answers….but as a mother, I know that I want my boys to know their g-daddy. I want smiles to spread instantly across their faces when his name is mentioned.

And so tomorrow we will bake a cake, and have a family gathering in the kitchen, and I will tell stories and show photos and do my best to pass along the spirit, the values, the selflessness and the humor that my father inspired in me.

That’s the way he would have wanted it.

Returning to the sunny side…

The sun is shining in Berlin!

It’s been a while…indeed several months since my last post. There have been busy times and slow times…work and play… travel and rest. I have read articles that sparked my interest, been inspired by forums and art, and struggled with a range of emotions. Somehow the idea of writing became intimidating to me and so I walked away from it.

And now I am back…on a sunny day in July.

This week we celebrated the 4th of July here in Berlin. Hamburgers, hot dogs, ice cream…and German beer. A nice combo I must say.  I gave the boys donuts and we sang “Happy Birthday dear America” at breakfast and sported the red, white and blue all day. (the following day, both boys were back into their Deutschland fussball gear!)

Now attention turns to the main event of the weekend: Felix the fireman (Feuerwehrman) 4th birthday party! More to come…

Welcome Summer!